Unsolicited Dick Pics, Catfishes & Happily Dating Afters

Online dating

It’s awkward, terrifying and exciting all at the same time.

Nearly a year ago I deleted all the dating apps off my phone (well okay I was just using Tinder by this point…it was the only one I’d had any sight of success with), so I’m a little out of touch with how everything is going on them. I love getting dressed up for dates, and still go on date nights. There’s just something about wearing a nicer outfit than normal and putting a bit more effort into your hair and makeup. But let’s not forget that there’s always that fear in the pit of our stomach before a first date. With when it comes to the many free dating apps and websites available it’s rare that you have previously met your date. Sometimes you agree to go on a date with someone only to discover they’re older than they said, chain smoker and don’t know any manners and you want to run screaming for the hills. Back in July, I wrote discussing whether or not Online Dating is Replacing Traditional Dating and in short I believe it is. Dating apps give you access to all the ‘local singles’ in your area without having to go out and socialise with people.

I met my two ex-partners on Tinder. I even have an entire post on my personal Tinder Date Tales but it doesn’t mean I wasn’t overly cautious. Mass media and horror films making it seem like the next person I went on a date with could be a serial killer and I could be found dead in a bush a week later…or that sleeping with someone on the first date meant I didn’t have any self-respect it doesn’t but it is down to personal preference. The #MeToo campaign which serged in 2017 shown a light on how often sexual assault and harassment actually occur and often it’s the smaller things that leave the biggest scars. While rape can cause longterm damage and issues, so can cat calling or constantly text someone inappropriate comments despite to receiving any replies. I thought I’d share some of the tips and advice I used when I was regularly going on dates with new people and hopefully you can put them into effect and stay safe while using any of the dating sites that are available.

TELL SOMEONE WHERE YOU’RE GOING AND WHO WITH

I cannot stress how important it is to tell somewhere where you are, who you are going with and deciding a word that you can text them if they need to ring you so you can get the hell out of there. I quite often used Debra as my safety card, not because she was local but because I knew she’d check up on me about an hour into the date and if I let her know everything was going well she’d leave me alone until I gave her the gossip once the date had ended. Knowing that there was someone expecting to hear from me in a few hours meant I could relax more into dates and be less worried that I was going to be on the front cover of the local news after being kidnapped. While I am over cautious when it comes to my safety on the first date, it is better to be safe than sorry.

DON’T GET BLACKOUT DRUNK

Sure have a few drinks too loosen up but don’t get blackout drunk. I never really had more than 2 or 3 drinks on a date ~~until Sam where we had 9 each on the first date…oops~~ just so I could stay composed and didn’t reveal just how much of a mess I can end up. 9 months later there’s has been several occasions of Sam having to take care of me after I thought I could handle that last shot…damn I’m lucky to have him. Honestly, though you’ll thank yourself if you don’t get blackout drunk, after all, you actually want to remember what you talked about and whether you were actually attracted or it was just a case of beer goggles.

WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR NUDES IS YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Sending nudes can be an exciting part of a relationship and a way to spice up your sex life. Unsolicied dick pics do not do either. No girl has ever been sent a dick pic and been like “damn now I want to have sex with you” instead it’s more horrified screaming and blocking the sender quicker than you can say ‘pencil dick’. If you are someone that enjoys sending and/or receiving nudes then that’s up to you, just make sure you trust the person you’re sending them to…last things you want is them showing them off to all their friends or leaking them on the internet. What you do with them is your own business though, if you want to take a photo of you looking bomb af in your new underwear and just keep it chilling in your camera roll then do so. Or if you want to send a booty pic to a potential hook up or partner then be my guess…cause it’s your life, you’re your own person. Do whatever makes you happy.

BEWARE OF THE CATFISH

Like most things in life, if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. I’ve been lucky enough never to run into a full-on catfish but I have had people turn up and look different to their pictures online. Even Sam did this to me, turning up practically bald when he had hair in his pictures. It can be things as minor as this or the 21-year-old hottie from the local university could turn out to be a 60-year-old man. So just be aware of who you’re meeting. Using Snapchat is a good way to see someones face before the date, or facetime then you know if you need to run for the hills or follow through with any date plans.

DATING APPS OR HOOKUP APP

There’s always the argument that apps like Tinder and Bumble are used to hookups, while that may be the case for some people. I used Tinder to find myself dates and 2 relationships, one of which is still going 9 months on. It’s all about the way you use the app, it’s always good to put what you’re looking for in your bio so people know if you’d be a suitable match. If you are using an app to find hookups then for heaven’s sake meet them in a public place for a drink or two before heading to the bedroom. Don’t forget the condoms either. Like many things in life, it is all about how you approach something, talk to people and at the end of the day what makes you happy. Engaging in casual sex can be fun, I recently wrote a post about 5 Thoughts You Have During Casual Sex.

I love to hear stories about couples that met on dating apps or online. I think hearing success stories made me determined not to give up and now I’m in the best relationship I could ever wish for. It’s sad to think there’s still a taboo around online dating, but in honesty, it’s easier and more pleasant than meeting someone in person. Even now I get terrified when someone comes up to me in public and asks for my number. On more than one occasions when I’ve said ‘no’ I’ve been called a whore, slut or fat & ugly and it does hurt more than seeing those words written on a screen when you reject someone’s advances.

Are you a fan of online dating or do you prefer to go out and meet someone in person?

Love you lots like jelly tots x

Photography

All photos within this post were taken by me on my Olympus Pen E-PL7 with 45mm lens in natural lighting. They were then edited on Photoshop CC & VSCO.

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